Few weeks back on a lazy Saturday…
I said: Hey what happened? What did I say?
She said: u said enough!!
I: that’s it, I don’t need this attitude from u, u do wat u want wid ur life, I give a rat’s ass
She: thanks, and don’t again poke ur nose in my business.
I signed out of G-talk, “ hmpf! Women- you seen one, you seen em all” I said to myself…. Disgusted with myself for trying to be a good friend by listening to her troubles. I realized that I was harsh with her, but I did not want to tell her that I was sorry for that, why should I? I felt what I did was right; don’t friends have the liberty of being harsh on their buddies, just a kick on their backsides so that they stay in line? Until that day I had considered her to be a girl sans attitude, it’s hard to find such a breed these days, and before that day, I imagined her to be the last girl I would have a fiery argument with.
She is very down to earth, quite pretty, bad at cracking jokes, dumb sometimes, brilliant most of the times, sensible, and the kinda girl you will want your mom to meet (hope my mom doesn’t read this, but with the number of relatives going through my blog these days, she is gonna get to know about it anyway). Funny thing with relationships is that you never know when it moves onto a new level, and the next thing you know, you start making decisions for them. You give them career advice, counsel them when things go wrong in their love life, tell them what book is a must read and which movie is a must watch, and you end up ridiculing the life they live when they do not follow your “words of advice”. Amidst all this, what you fail to realize is that you are not they, and they know what is best for them. and when you are rudely awoken you feel hurt and you ask yourself “I felt what I did was right, don’t friends have the liberty of being harsh on their buddies? I was just helping her out”.
I spent my weekend living in a state of denial, unable to concentrate on my chores, finding fault with everything around me except myself. I made a solemn decision of not talking to her again, “Who needs her, Iam better off without her” I told myself, but I knew I was lying. We all need someone to talk to, a friend, a friend who would listen to our ramblings on how hard it is to find a seat in a train, a friend who listens patiently to how dull our day at the office was, a friend who listens to the bitching of a non-existent love life- she was that kind of a friend, and I blew it all away. I spent Sunday evening thinking of “replacing” her with someone else, but none could take her spot, I shared that connection with no one else. No one else was that patient.
Monday morning came and I sleepwalked through the routine of getting ready to work, thinking of how dull a week it will be without her, “I should apologise to her” a part of me said, “even if she doesn’t forgive me I could go to sleep knowing that I tried to make amends”. But the arrogant side of me countered, “Why should you apologise? It’s not your fault, don’t lose your dignity maaan”. But you don’t lose dignity by apologizing to a friend, do you?
I sent her an sms, that cheap messenger who conveys our deepest desires to fears; it has been a faithful carrier of my emotions from apologies to anger to mush, and gracefully did she accept my apology. I may have sounded selfish here, you may feel that I apologized only because I needed someone to talk to, but the fact is we all need someone to talk to, someone who doesn’t just hear us, but listens to us. I also learnt that you should respect your friends for who they are; they may not take up our advice all the time, our tastes may not match, our temperaments may differ, our opinions may not be the same, but being together inspite of all the differences is the hallmark of a good relationship.
Its never too late to apologize to someone who is worth it.