Wednesday, March 7, 2012

No Woman No Cry?

One of the first words we say after we have our hearts broken by a woman would be “I wish there was a world without women, no heart breaks, no jealousies, no insecurities, no rapes everything would be fine with the world.” It would be Utopia, yes there would be no jealousies, no rapes, we all will have enough money in our banks, and it would be a world where friends wouldn’t turn into enemies. But it will be a world inhabited by hairy bald men who would walk the earth with obese bodies happy being mediocre. I use such harsh terms to describe men because with no women around, we would not care about ourselves. We wouldn’t care to groom ourselves, we all would be potty mouthed, we would fart out loud while we eat, our “hi’s” and “hello’s” would be punctuated with the sound of us breaking wind. We would not care to be charming, we would be filthy, juvenile and repulsive.

“Hi I am Prasad, and yes that sound is coming from my anus.”

We would be intellectually stunted. In short it would be a world filled with pigs. Yes there are those kind of men in this world, but not all of us are pigs ladies.

No woman no cry eh? Sorry Bob Marley, you were wrong at least this once.

There would be no poets, no writers, no thinkers, no philosophers, no singers, and no musicians. When there is no source of inspiration, who would be there to inspire us? We wouldn’t be well read, we would be ill-mannered, we wouldn’t hold the door open for women (a habit which was taught to me by a woman), we would have no table manners, we would spill what we eat, and we would eat what we spill, we would wear clothes that don’t suit us, we may not wear clothes at all. When there is no one to impress why do we even have to dress?

The only genres in music and cinema would be rap and political thrillers, rap music because men would find a reason to be pissed on something and start dissing it in their songs and political thrillers because greedy male politicians will screw our lives up anyway (in a planet without women, men may be devoid of love but they will be filled with greed anyway). 

Technology would never evolve, there would be no smart phones for you to show off, no superbikes and no fast cars, no viagra and penis enlarging pills, there would be no DSLRs because the only thing worth taking a snap of other than mountains and rivers are women. Nobody wants to see a hairy man’s photo in close up on Facebook. “Get your hairy face out of my timeline you prick” the other men would say, they would unblock you and report your photo as spam.

There would be no Clooneys, the world would be filled with looneys, we all would make rash decisions, and then some more till we take the most sensible decision of putting ourselves out of our misery. There would be no one to give us career advice, financial advice, clothing advice, cooking advice, and advice on what books to read. Who the hell wants to listen to men give advice? We are bad at giving advice anyway.

So why do we need a Women’s day, why do we need this custom to observe a day that celebrates womanhood? Why do we need to celebrate someone who is so complicated?
Because she whose presence makes us feel human, who makes us fall in love, who restores sanity in our chaos filled lives, who brings a life to this world, who is a reason for us to go back home to her, needs to be celebrated.

Why would I, this bitter and sarcastic guy care to write on Women’s day, trying to glorify them who have made me the way I am? 

Am I trying to earn any brownie points? No. 

Am I trying to impress someone? 

No, if I had to impress someone I would have learnt the guitar. And besides, statistics have shown that writers have a very less success rate in wooing women. Painters woo women, rockstars woo women. Writing and blogging gets you the least adoration from the opposite sex, blokes who collect stamps and coins are the most pathetic, they are way lower down the chain, no one cares about them (get a new hobby you idiots)

So why am I doing this? 

Because sometimes you need to show some gratitude to the mother who wants you to look good while you step out to work, that lady friend who helps you mend your broken heart by giving sane advice instead of asking you to get drunk, those girls who urge you to finish your home-cooked meal instead of throwing it away in the trash.

Because sometimes you need to believe that cliched line when a woman says "I am not like other women".

Because sometimes you just need to show that you care.

….and also because sometimes you need a few likes on your post.


karthick r said...


Anonymous said...

"Because she whose presence makes us feel human, who makes us fall in love, who restores sanity in our chaos filled lives, who brings a life to this world, who is a reason for us to go back home to her, needs to be celebrated."
- For all your sarcasm, I didn't expect this one from you, respect!