Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Somebody That I Used to Know

Bitch. Fucking bitch. (Did I get your attention?)

Well, that would have been the precise words I would have used to describe her at that moment, but I did not. I am not a 19-year- old anymore, at one point of time she used to mean the world to me, I cannot treat her like yesterday’s garbage just for stating the truth. The truth she told me had to be accepted with grace and calm, the response was to be frank, yet not curt, practical yet with a dash of fantasy here and there.

When in doubt, I ask myself the following question:

“What would Clooney do?”

Watcha gonna do George?

Would George Clooney, the most classiest man alive, if informed by his unrequited love that she is getting married, resort to calling her names and telling her to go to hell?

The answer my friend, is a big NO! 

Clooney would just shrug his shoulders and walk away, with the same nonchalance with which a duck goes back to minding its own business after flapping the water off of its back. Clooney, like any self-respecting man would wish her well and move on with his life. Which is what I did.

“I wish you all the very best in your married life, I just don’t see myself anywhere in your life after this. I finally have to move on, I wish to have no more contacts with you. You will always be my first love, and for that I have no regrets.”

I had replayed this scenario already a hundred times in mind, right from the day I had realized that she and I would never end up holding hands and walking away into the sunset on a Spanish beach, as a title card appears “This is not the end, this is just the beginning” .
I had always wondered how I would react. Would I break down? Would I take any blunt object that was near me and try to harm myself with it?  But on the contrary I only heaved a sigh of relief. I had made numerous attempts to move on, what with her not responding to my calls and messages, left me with no other option but to pick up the pieces of my heart and walk away wallowing in my own misery.  I would walk away promising myself that I would never look back, yet every time I received a stray “Hello” from her months later, I ran to her like a puppy dog that had met its master who returned home after war.

That was because I always believed there was a door open, as long as there was no other guy in the fray maybe I could sneak in through the back door and steal her away from watchful eyes. Maybe I would summon all my strength to fight the world and win her over. But then I knew I was clutching at straws.

Moving on always requires us to let go of what we had been holding on to for long, but move on to where? A door has to be in the vicinity with an usher standing by who greets you with a smile.

“Welcome to your future sir, I can assure you that your new life here will be filled with wonderful people, and who knows you might even find your special someone! Join them, revel in their company. They will wash your wounds with their laughter, heal your scars with their embrace, and ease your pain with their warmth and love. The future sir, sure looks bright. But before stepping in, do you mind leaving your excess baggage right outside the door? You won’t be needing these here.”

Yes, it was time to leave behind the excess baggage. I just had to take what I needed. The good times, the joy of knowing that I had once loved, the thrill of being in her presence, those moments we spent building our relationship – from a casual “Hello” to a friendly chat, to those intimate secrets we shared late into the night over our phones, to the moment I realized that I was falling for her. I don’t need the bad memories, the arguments, the fights, I am flushing them down the drain. I am all set to meet new people now, I am ready to go.

You know that standard promise all the lovers make when they are high on each other?

“I cannot live without you.”

That’s pure bullshit. How would you know if you haven’t tried?

Life is easier to live if you are surrounded by people you want to be with. And as for falling in love, I guess it always happens. It’s not a one-time thing like people say, there are just too many beautiful people out there to fall in love with. If it works out then that’s well and good.

If it doesn't, well, you can always turn them into a piece of literature.

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