Its that time of the year again...

So its that time of the year again, where I try to shed my "wannabe yuppie" lifestyle and embrace a little more serious life of being a Holyman for a little more than a month. This is what they say in Hindi as "Nau sau chuhe khake billi Haj ko gayee", which roughly means seeking pardon after committing a crime. I have put on the Holy Mala and am on vratham(fasting) before I go in search of redemption to Sabarimala to thank the Big Man upstairs for the grace he has showered on my life.There wont be any radical changes that I may have to make in my lifestyle, but they are changes nonetheless, they are these little things which I have to cut down, for the Lord Almighty may not appreciate it much if I keep on sinning while I keep hoping that He turns a blind eye towards all my (mis)deeds. 


There are times when I don't understand the funda of leading a sin-free life for just a month, as if God is gonna say "Son that is enough, I forgive you for being a sicko that you have been in these eleven months" just because I stayed away from the temptation of being a little naughty for just a month. But going to Sabarimala is not just about asking for forgiveness, its about thanking the Lord too for giving me reasons to be content with my life, and even asking him for more. I was never specific whenever I asked God for anything, my wishlist was a hurried one like this:


1. A proper job after college (I never specified the post and the company, I had no clue myself)
2. Good health for my family (everyone included)
3. Completing atleast this degree without any hiccups (which I did!!, that was my first professional degree,B.A doesn't have that professional ring to it like my M.B.A has)
4. I even pray to God that the Proteas should win atleast one major ICC tournament.(Hope that happens soon) 
5. I even used to pray that I get a gyal, but you just don't "get a gyal", you gotta work for it. (So I struck that off my list ...)


Living a month, warding off carnal desires and censoring your thoughts and minding your tongue can be really hard, and I tend to go bit off the track occasionally. Maybe that is because Iam not an 8 yr old anymore when all I used to think about was a G.I.Joe action figure and comic books and had this misconception that you just get pregnant by kissing. And as you grow old, puberty hits you, you meet like minded boys (read horny) and all you talk about is the hanky panky stuff. Its different now, the older you grow, the more experienced you become in controlling your thoughts, I may go a bit wayward for the first few days, but the fear of "someone is watching you" will soon creep inside my conscience. 


But probably there is an inner meaning to go through this ordeal of living a pious month, braving steep terrains, and sultry weather and scores of other frenzied devotees to just get a glimpse of Him, and when you catch Ayappa at all his splendour you get a satisfied feeling that all this was worth it. Nothing comes easy in life, not even a glimpse of God.