Saturday, December 5, 2009

Bumbling Casanovas

He called me on a Saturday morning. I groggily opened my eyes from sleep to find his name flashing on my mobile. "What?" I barked into it, "Wanna see you bey, can I come over?" he asked.
8:45 on a Saturday morning, a day I always wake up later than nine-thirty, for a minute I contemplated lying to him but went against it, "I cant be such a prick to him, not today" I reasoned.  "Yeah ok, but is everything fine?" I asked stifling a yawn. "Will tell you when we meet, I'll be there in fifteen mins", "No take thirty" I said. "Fine, see you then" he hung up.

Nine- thirty a.m 
I opened the door hearing him call out my name. He was not alone, "I came with Vishal man" he said. Vishal came behind him giving me that sly grin of his, and I could figure out the trouble Kumar had fallen into just by looking at Vishal's grin. 

Our History
I had known Vishal and Kumar during my brief days at an Engineering college. Kumar was a guy I knew in school, but came to know him as a friend only in college, Vishal was the new bloke in the neighborhood who had moved in from Chandigarh. We were three guys who were of the same kind, with same interests, and the same kind of problems when dealing with our interests. We were luckless when it came to the matters of the heart, we either ended up being the "best friend" to whom the girls poured their heart out, or being completely ignored by them. After I had quit Engineering, the bond only grew on to be more stronger. We would catch up in the evenings near the neighborhood joggers' park, crack dick and sperm jokes, talk about movies of all kinds, make fun of each other's love life and lay life (or the lack of it). I like to think of ourselves as Sameer, Sid and Akaash of Dil Chahta Hai, even though we were not even as half as cool as they were. And as time passed on, we moved on to different things like a job, responsibilities, and higher education. Our catching up was limited to one or two smses, a courtesy ping at g-talk, and an occasional phone call that lasted 10 minutes in which the same 3 questions were asked in every three minutes. So when after all this while when Kumar decided to wake me up from my Saturday morning slumber sounding pensive, it could only mean one thing: Chick Trouble. 

Cut to: Saturday Morning, Nine-thirty a.m 

Me: So what's goin on? What's all the suspense about? 

Kumar: Problem hai yaar, Iam a bit confused about something...

Me: Did some gal reject you? 

Kumar: No bey, havent gone that far yet

Vishal: So it is a chick trouble!! (grins sardonically)  

Kumar: Ya, but its not as serious as you think it is, its just a crush but I feel like Iam crossing boundaries of decency this time. 

Vishal: Ooh, "boundaries of decency"? Are you in love with someone else's wife?

Kumar: Not exactly, you guys know Priya right? 

Me: That chick is supposed to be commited right? Don't tell me you are eyeing her you sicko!

Vishal: Ha! look who's talkin, saale you were lusting after a commited chick for three years remember? 

Me: I was obsessed with her back then, and her guy was not in town, so I took advantage of it, it was some silly long-distance relationship between her and that guy, it wouldn't have lasted anyway. But Priya's guy is in Chennai only and your chances of getting your ass kicked when caught are high.

Kumar: Hey Iam not planning to propose to her or anything, I just wanted to talk this out. I needed to get it out of my system, we shared much perverted things than these fellas. 

Vishal: Ya thats true, but why her of all the people? 

Kumar: I have no proper reason for that, maybe because she has been with me through my tough times, she is the only girl who knows me as better as you guys do. I've shared everything with her yaar, she even helped me get over Divya, she taught me to move on, and she has accepted me as a friend inspite of being the crazy bastard that Iam.

Vishal: So you are never gonna tell her about how you feel? 

Kumar: No man, I dont know how she will take this. She is very conservative when it comes to stuffs like these. Atleast now she respects me as a friend, if I do anything stupid like telling it to her she might not talk to me, ever. And she and her guy are going very steady, she is better off with him than me. 

Me: Its perfectly normal man, I've been there before, Usha was my good friend too and was committed before I met her, only difference between you and me is that you are happy for Priya now, and I was not happy for Usha back then because I thought I was the better guy. Hell I was Eighteen!!, I got sucked up into those teen romance movies and Backstreet Boys songs and I never thought about the future and being practical. 

Vishal: Would you have wooed her if her guy was in town? 

Me: I don't know that, maybe I would have, yeah its sordid but back then that's how I wanted things to be, but I don't regret doing whatever I have done. Sure things between me and her now have soured, but I did learn a lot, and I guess now Iam more mature to face problems in relationships. We all have had bad luck in finding a chick, and when we did we find one we messed it up, well atleast we now know that its all not like what they show in the movies. You gotta really work hard at maintaining a relationship, there is so much that comes into play. 

Vishal: You know its funny, we were in relationships which never would have worked out practically, we came out of it hurt, we were so pissed with things that we even hurt everyone around us, and we promised ourselves that never will we chase skirts again. But look at us now man, we haven't grown up much, we would fall in love with a frigging lamp post if it had a pair of tits on it! Look at Kumar, he had a tough time getting over Divya, you'd think he would have learnt from it.

Kumar: Hey! When did I say that I expect things to work out between me and Priya, its just a bit of adoration that I have for her. 

Vishal: Whatever man, we had our share of messy one- sided love, and we learnt that we are not cut out for all that. We had an unspoken pact that we will never fall into a mess like that again. 

Kumar: Look, you cant live your life on pacts. We never know who we may meet next and what impact they'll have on our lives. After school I would have never expected to meet Divya, and never did I imagine that I would tell her one day how much I loved her, and when I finally did win her over never did I think that I would lose her so easily. Iam happy with whatever happened, yeah it did not work out, but I did learn a few harsh things, maybe for the better. 

Vishal: What about you? (turning to me) Do you have anything goin on at work?

Me: Nope! I did ask one girl out, I had no idea what I was thinking, she not surprisingly said "No" and she probably thinks of me as some kind of prick since then because she has not spoken to me in a week. I dont know if this technically can be labeled as a "rejection", but I am finding new ways to repel women. 

Vishal: You need to come out of your "fantasy world" man. You think you live in a sitcom and everything will go according to the script but it never does. 

Me: Why do you have to act like a grinch? I think there is nothing wrong in experimenting a little bit, what if it worked out?

Vishal: Uh-huh, and what would you do if it worked out for you? Say some pretty girl was dumb enough to fall for you, what would you do next? 

Me: I really have no clue.... I'd probably go with the flow. 

Kumar: Thats it?? you'd "go with the flow"?

Me: Yeah, I'd take one day at a time and see how things shape up. I'd get to know her a little bit more as a person. Every day is a new day. 

Vishal: What if she was not the kind of girl you imagined her to be?

Me: Well if it did not work out between us I guess we would have have to part ways amicably then. Now, can we please stop the cross-examination?

Vishal: Yeah, and just so you know we are not cut out for love and serious relationships, we are just not the polished blokes that girls want. 

Me: Maybe one day I'll make you eat those words and watch you choke to death. So what's the bottomline on Priya, Kumar ?.

Kumar: I guess I would rather be the "good friend" and be happy watching her spend her life with the guy she wants to be with, and hopefully pray that Ms. Right might come along someday.

Me: Yeah, someday she will, till then lets Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish.





Harshwardhan said...

this story looks familiar, do i know vishal and kumar??

Anuraag Seshadri said...

Yeah you do know them very well ;)

manasa said...

And I know Ushaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :P

Anuraag Seshadri said...

@ manasa
Usha is not the "Doll Collector",

manasa said...

Hello...I still know Usha!!!!!! Not the doll collector...I know...
How I wish I could type the name...just to prove a point!