Saturday, December 12, 2009

When I gotta go, I just cant go!

Warning: This post is not for everyone, do not judge the blogger by this one post. Viewer discretion is advised.

There is something great about being a man, no offence to the ladies but there are things which men can do that women cant.

We can go topless wherever we want flaunting our skinny bodies, hairy chests, pot bellies, well toned abs- take your pick. We can do that at the beach, our lawn, we can even unbutton the top of our shirt daring to play peek-a-boo with you.

But our greatest gift is to piss wherever we want , provided the area is labelled "pissable" in our terms. Shakespeare may have said "All the World is a Stage", but for us men "All the World is a Stage and all the World is our Urinal". Nothing can beat the simple pleasure of pissing on a lush green field with the sun beating down on our back over the blue sky and we whistling a tune all the while admiring the beauty of nature. The greatest advantage of doing it while standing is that we can even write our names with our wee-wee, all it takes is some skillful mastery over our you-know-what. In school I made it a point to mark my pissing spot with "Raag was here" everyday, and trust me I had enough ammo to etch my name with wee-wee. We even used to compete over who can piss the farthest, it was a matter of honor for the winner, the longer you pissed, the longer your... well you get the picture, spitting the farthest was just a game for pussies.

But for some of us our greatest gift in open nature is our greatest curse in public bathrooms, be it a posh loo of a swanky hotel or some dingy and crummy shithole at some railway station/movie theater.

For us sensitive leakers two is company, but three is crime, and anything more than that is a mob, if the loo is crammed with restless people with even restless bladders we would rather shirk away to come back later than stand there urging Lil' Benjamin and his Buttons to "make it happen". It is a tough world out there at overcrowded bathrooms, you gotta be fast enough to reserve your spot and even faster at making nature's call. I still cant fathom how someone can pee when there are people watching you, especially if the ones watching have been holding theirs for long waiting impatiently. I cant even take a piss when I got someone standing next to me, I am quite sensitive when it comes to that, I get paranoid and start wondering if he is lookin at my you know what and secretly scoffs at me thinking "Thats all you got!?". Though I always wanted to counter-attack by looking at em in the eye and saying "Say ello to my leetil frend!" Scarface style!

And I cant stand it when there are men standing behind me waiting for their turn when Iam trying to take a leak, men can wait in queue patiently for booking train tickets, movie tickets, xerox stores, cash counter at malls, grocery stores, but to wait in line patiently to attend nature's call is something you cant expect them to do - its a call they would not prefer to give a miss. On many such occasions I have urged myself to "Just Do It" but Nike's slogan no matter how uplifting it is, has never come handy for me when it all comes down to just squeezing out a drop. "Just one drop, the rest shall follow like a stream" I tell myself but when you got a dozen pair of eyes looking at you with contempt it makes life even tougher. Many times I just had to zip up my pants leaving my business unfinished feigning a look of satisfaction to my fellow leakers pretending as if I really belong to the club of "People Who Can Pee with Everyone Watching" and walk away only to come back later on the sly to complete the job.

1 comment:

manasa said...

WTH of a post is this!!