Pointless Conversations

“So did you call her up?”

“I did”

“What did she say?”

“It started off well, I apologized and she accepted it…”

“But…”

“How did you know there was a “but” in the conversation?”

“There is always a “but” in the conversation when a man tries to apologize to a woman.”

“But the conversation became a bit too violent in between.”

“Doesn’t matter as long as it ended amicably.”

“It didn’t.”

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“I started off saying that I shouldn’t have treated her the way I did when I was with her, and that I was an idiot for doing all that I did….”

“Can you just move away a bit…”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“I am not able to pee with you standing so close to me, it’s an empty restroom use the urinal at the far end, I am here in a dilemma whether to listen to you or to satisfy my urge to take a piss. I cannot pee with people standing next to me.”

“OK, so I call her up and apologize for everything, I take the whole blame on me and told her how seeing her everyday made me realize that I had thrown away all that I had with her and how it was eating me up on the inside… leaving me empty and soulless.”

“Poetic, that sure must have moved her to tears.”

“No, it didn’t.  She was glad that I was feeling miserable. She said that I was too good for her and it was after I had broken up with her that she realized that she was way too niche for a dumb guy like me.”

“She called you dumb? And is glad at your misery? That is so schadenfruede.”

“A schaden-what?”

“A schadenfruede, its German for someone who takes pleasure out of your misery. But it’s such a slap in your face that she even called you dumb.”

“She actually called me dumb and incompetent.”

“That is sad… I have been called a lot but atleast not dumb and incompetent, not yet though… what did you do?”

“I told her “You motherfucking girl you.…” “

“Wait, you called her a motherfucker?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong in that?”

“You cannot call her a “motherfucker”, girls technically cannot do that, it makes sense to call a guy that… but a girl…. I cannot imagine a girl doing their mother. You could call her a bitch or a whore or a cow…”

“We are drifting off the topic here, aren’t you gonna wash your hands?”

“No I just washed my hands thrice already today, moreover I did not hold it while pissing so it’s a waste of water.”

“Anyway, so I called her names and she called me names. She listed out everything about me that made her realize that she was way too good for me.”

“This is just sad…..”

“I know, I invested so much time and emotion into her and at that end of it all she calls me good for nothing and feels happy out of my misery.”

 “No, I meant it’s sad that they don’t have any tissue papers over here, and the bloody hand dryer doesn’t work either….”

“I thought you weren’t washing your hands”

“I wasn’t washing it, but I would love to have it blown dried with the hot air coming from the dryer. Heat kills germs and is more effective than water and hand sanitizer.”

“So I just told her to go to hell, and I won’t be giving a damn about her from now on. I deleted her from facebook too.”

“I thought you already had when you broke up with her the first time.”

“Oh that was from my real account, I have a fake account where I add a lot of random chicks. Friends and friends of friends, I chat with them and like their pics… flirt with them and stuff like that…”

“You added anybody from my friend’s list?”

“I added your cousin… she is very pretty.... she in college?”

“You seriously didn’t add her…”

“Oh no way, I was just joking.”

“Good, anyway now that your ex doesn’t want to get back to you I was meaning to ask if I could call her sometime…”

“Now you better be joking..”

“Ha! Yeah I was joking…”

“And you better not use this conversation as some kind of story for your blog either.”

“Trust me, I won’t … I am a man with principles.”