Looking Back and Moving Forward

It has been a year of change for me. I spent the first six months of 2009 as a student brooding over what job to choose from, attended dozens of interviews, got caught into the "rat race" hype where society judges you by the job you go to, the good ol' days of college were slowly but surely getting over. It was as if sands were slowly slipping through the hour glass and I was just clasping on to the glass tightly trying to make it stop. The student within me is still alive, its been six months since I last set foot into a classroom, but it all just feels like yesterday when I made a fool out of myself in the class elections. What was I thinking when I volunteered (reluctantly) to do it?, thankfully my classmates had thought better than to select me, I still managed to get 5 votes out 60. Not bad for a mad lad.

I started the year without a bank account of my own, I used to borrow money from my father without his knowledge, I had no clear picture of where I was going, and I was trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle trying to fit in the right piece at the right place. Things are slowly changing now, I got a bank account of my own, there have been few pieces which have fallen in the right place, the picture is slowly getting clearer from the edges, but still I borrow money from my father, still without his knowledge. The transition from a student to a  slave of a multi-national corporate has been quite fast, the days of tun-tana-tun were over from the time I stepped out of my college gate. Iam now among those people whom you see in the train or a bus or in the traffic signal who trudge their way to work, plagued by worries of how to survive another hard day at the office.

The last ten years have taught me a lot about myself. I made loads of mistakes, some for which I repent and some for which I am quite glad that I did, either way every mistake has taught me something new. I would like to thank all my close friends from the past and the present who have been a part of my life, who have taught me something new, you people have always been a pillar of support, and you know who you are. Thank you to my limited set of lady friends, if it was not for you gyals' notes and meticulous planning, I still would have been writing my arrear papers, and thank you for putting up with my raunchy jokes . To all my guy friends: you blokes were always a shoulder to lean onto, thanks for your "Guru Gyaan" on matters related to the heart, and for lending me stuffs(read Cd's) which I probably cant mention here, and thank you for laughing at my raunchy jokes even at times when you never got them. And last but no the least, a big Thank You to my family! You always supported me inspite of the numerous screw-ups that I've made over the years, thank you for sticking beside me and giving me the freedom to decide on what I wanted to do, and thank you for putting up with a train-wreck like me.

As I brace myself for a new year, I can hardly wait to face what I got in store for me. I will be faced with professional and personal choices, I may take some bad decisions, I may take some good ones but every passing day will pen a new verse in my life, I've made no resolutions for I've never believed in them. So be it Pain or Pleasure, Joy or Sorrow, Hope or Agony, I say : Bring it on Life! Bring it on 2010!

A very happy new year to the one reading this blog. May you succeed in all your endeavors in the coming year.

A One-on-One with God

I logged into my account to view a mail that said "One-on-one reminder". I skimmed through the mail which went :

Dear Anuraag

Greetings from the Heavenly Chambers! Its that time of the year again, three years  have gone by since your last session. Hoping to see you this time in the best of spirits. Meet me at jogger's park at 4 a.m this Saturday. We got a lot of catching up to do!

                                            

 Yours Truly

     God   

A short and sweet summon from the Big Man himself, we last met three years back when I was at the crossroads of life. I was plagued with questions about my future, I felt like a rudderless ship without any proper direction.  And when I met Him back then, I got a rough picture of why Iam where Iam. I got an answer to my questions on what next to do, He did not advise me, He just said "Choose wisely, and give it your best shot". He politely declined when I asked him to foresee my future, "It takes the unpredictability away" He said. I was lonely back then, He just met me so that He could listen to my problems, I guess that's all you need- someone who not just hears you out but listens to you.

"How did He know that I needed someone to talk to?" I wondered. Well He's God after all, and He's been watching me.

I went to the park on a chilly and misty Saturday morning. He was there all dressed up in a Reebok Pullover and trousers to combat the ultra-cold morning listening to his I-Pod, he was Robert Deniro.

He does that every time we meet up, he comes as a movie star whom I worship, last time he was Edward Norton. He says that he doesn't have a real face, and that all the faces we mortals have pictured and painted and carved in stones and rock are just illusions- a part of our imagination and besides, "It helps you in opening up to someone who you look up to" he said. He waved His hand to me, and gave me a warm smile as I approached him. As I neared Him I could clearly see the words imprinted on his Pullover, "Iam Him" it said.

Me: "Iam Him"? Don't you think that you are trying to be too obvious, even for a guy of your stature?

He: This was custom just made for us, there was this big shot in Reebok who insisted that we have this, its not even released in the market. Probably it never would be.

Me: And an I-Pod too? Don't you get tired listening to people singing your praises?

He: I was not listening to gospels or hymns, I was just listening to regular movie songs. They all sound the same: a noise. I don't know why you people go ga-ga over such stuff?

Me: Well that's what we mere mortals are all about, we love to go bonkers on mediocrity and anything that has been hyped up.

He: Anyway, how are things with you? Its been three years, a lot has happened and a lot has changed eh?

Me: A helluva lot has happened, you know it better than anyone else.

A lot had happened in three years, I made new friends, lost old friend(s),  had a plethora of crushes, got an earful for confessing a couple of them, had some new additions in the family, bid a tearful adieu to a member of the family, had my faith shaken, planned for a future, saw those plans getting altered as every week passed, got a first job where I thought I would stick it out for some time but a better offer came up and changed jobs with the blink of an eye. Its a fast-food world and everything happens at a breakneck speed, Life has been moving at a crazy pace and has left me catching for my breath.

He: Yeah, but the whole point of this meet is to hear you speak up. You haven't been speaking that much lately.

Me: Have I ever? Everything is happening too fast, and Iam growing up too fast, and the only people among whom I could be me are either settled in far off places or are too immersed in their work. A good old friend of mine from college is working in the same office as mine, she is sitting hardly fifteen feet away from me and yet I get to spend only fifteen minutes with her in the whole day.

He: Aren't you happy with your job?

Me: Iam content, "happy" is too strong a word, Iam content with what I've got, something is better than nothing. We can never be happy. You made us that way remember?

He: Yeah, blame it all on me you little twat! Cause that's what you been doing all your life, you make all the mistakes and you blame others for it. You always ask others "How is life treating ya?", its not about how life treats you, its about how you treat life. You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be a prick grumbling for everything that does not come your way.

I turned away from him feeling bad for shooting my mouth off at him, and there was a bit of.... well, there was a lot of truth to what he said. He nudged me slightly and said "Forget it, I get blamed for everything, from failing in exams to not getting a ticket for a much awaited movie, everybody just blames me. I guess it comes with the job."

Me: But people are even thankful to you when you make things happen for them right? They celebrate your birthdays and what-not, they adorn you with costly ornaments and donate money and ridiculously costly things which only money can buy.

He: Let me ask you something, do you really believe that I exist? Do you believe that faith can really move mountains and that prayer can change the world and heal your wounds?

Me: I don't know, maybe its just that Iam programmed to believe whatever is being preached. Its like a media circus, you have to believe whatever is being said if it is said with a lot of chest thumping.

He: I really don't exist, I was the most simplest of human emotions and Man has just given me different names with different modes of appeasing me. He has used my name to create a multi-billion dollar industry, I don't go by Rama, Krishna, Allah or Jesus. I have no shape, no form, no face, no super powers, I am no super human. You people are just naive and you buy whatever is sold to you in a neat and glittering package. And that's what they have reduce me to- a commodity, Iam like a box of assorted Swiss chocolates, I come in a glossy package, Iam priced high and yet I have the same taste as any candy you buy from some small shop.

Me: What are you then?

He: When you pray to me, say like when you prayed that your exam should go well, did you just say to yourself "Now that I've prayed, I dont have to study, God shall take care of my paper"?

Me: No, I studied for my exams. If not too hard atleast I worked a little bit for it.

He: Then what was the prayer for? You might as well have studied without praying.

Me: I prayed because that would give me a little hope, a hope that would make me believe that I am not gonna mess up.

He: Thats what Iam !! Iam Hope! the simplest of human emotions, and yet people think of me as some supersonic ass kicker who makes all your wishes come true. I dont make your wishes come true, I just give you the Hope that everything is gonna be alright. And you get that Hope when you have prayed to me, a short and sweet prayer that gives you the strength to go about your business. Hope is like the wind that tries to give a direction to your sail, it is YOU who is in charge of the paddles, and it is YOU who's gotta steer your boat, Hope just gives you the strength. Anyway enough of this mumbo-jumbo, we are here to talk about you. How is the work place?

Me: The atmosphere is great, work is hectic, Iam made to work for every penny that is paid to me. I try not to screw-up at work, but you know me, I unintentionally screw up everything I lay my hands on.

He: And how are the chicas ?

Me: Man its a babe station out there! I like to call it as Babe-a-lore. You have created some fine creations out there.

He: Thank you very much, it must be hard for you to try not to act like a jerk out there isn't it?

Me: Yeah its kind of tough though, they all think of me as some kind of geek I think.

He: Well what do they know, guys like you are the most dangerous types of my creation. Geeks on the outside and I-know-what on the inside. Anyway, I've been reading your blog.

Me: Wow! and I thought only my Dad and bro were the only people who used to go through that. What do you think of it?

He: Word of advice: If you are trying to be a chick magnet just by writing blogs, try not to write about gross stuff like pissing, I enjoyed it a lot, it was funny, but the women folk were offended.

Me: Jeez! its a free world the cyber world! Its an outlet for expressing myself out there man. I cant please everyone, Iam not you.

He: Stop taking a dig at me boy, anyhow are you adjusting to the fact that you are not in college anymore?

Me: Its quite tough, Iam missing those carefree days which I spent at college, and I haven't been in touch with my friends, I don't know how they are, what they are doing. A face to face meeting is a thing of luxury now. We inquire about each other's well being through an sms, or a ping at g-talk if we ever get the time. We convey our emotions through smileys now, can you believe that, a frigging emoticon lets us and others know what we feel. That's what they are an emoti-con, they con us and others of our emotions. The good ol' days of meeting up at canteen and pranks being played, rumors being spread are gone.

He: Its a phase of life which everyone goes through, give it some time and you'll get used to it.

Me: Yeah, I dont even have a choice now do I? Apart from getting used to it.

He: Everyone goes through this phase, and as you move on you will find newer responsibilities and new reasons to cheer about.Okay Kid, I gotta go, I got some more mortals to meet and a date in the evening to get ready for.

Me: A date?

He: Yeah, I met this woman at a super market couple of days back. She seemed quite lonely, I guess she just needs someone to talk to.

Me: Does she know who you really are?

He: No, as far as she goes Iam just one of those rare breed of guys who is interested in sharing her problems. You should try being one too, instead of listening to some junk in your mp3 player try opening up to people, talk to them, they have a lot to say. You are so self involved with your mp3 and those headphones that it completely drowns the voices of your heart. Its okay if you ended up being a jerk, well atleast you tried.

Me: Yeah... alright, you have a good time. And you are not going as Robert Deniro are you?

He: (laughs) No way, I will go as a regular type another- face- in- the- crowd kinda guy.

Me: Catch you later Big Guy!

He: Cheers Kid! I will be watching you, better be good.

Me: I'll try.

As the first rays of the sun started to pierce through the slowly fading mist, I jogged my way home with a smile on my face and with a much lighter heart. I guess He is Everywhere. As the man who selflessly gives his seat to an elderly person at a crowded bus, as a friend who patiently listens to your story of your girlfriend dumping you and says "Chadd yaar! yeh nahi to koi aur sahi", as the father who dances with joy with you after his team wins a nail biting game, as the mother who packs food for you in the wee hours of the morning, as the brother who is the faithful guardian of your secrets. I feel He is within us, we are just too busy with our fast food lives that we fail to appreciate His presence within us.



















         

When I gotta go, I just cant go!

Warning: This post is not for everyone, do not judge the blogger by this one post. Viewer discretion is advised.

There is something great about being a man, no offence to the ladies but there are things which men can do that women cant.

We can go topless wherever we want flaunting our skinny bodies, hairy chests, pot bellies, well toned abs- take your pick. We can do that at the beach, our lawn, we can even unbutton the top of our shirt daring to play peek-a-boo with you.

But our greatest gift is to piss wherever we want , provided the area is labelled "pissable" in our terms. Shakespeare may have said "All the World is a Stage", but for us men "All the World is a Stage and all the World is our Urinal". Nothing can beat the simple pleasure of pissing on a lush green field with the sun beating down on our back over the blue sky and we whistling a tune all the while admiring the beauty of nature. The greatest advantage of doing it while standing is that we can even write our names with our wee-wee, all it takes is some skillful mastery over our you-know-what. In school I made it a point to mark my pissing spot with "Raag was here" everyday, and trust me I had enough ammo to etch my name with wee-wee. We even used to compete over who can piss the farthest, it was a matter of honor for the winner, the longer you pissed, the longer your... well you get the picture, spitting the farthest was just a game for pussies.

But for some of us our greatest gift in open nature is our greatest curse in public bathrooms, be it a posh loo of a swanky hotel or some dingy and crummy shithole at some railway station/movie theater.

For us sensitive leakers two is company, but three is crime, and anything more than that is a mob, if the loo is crammed with restless people with even restless bladders we would rather shirk away to come back later than stand there urging Lil' Benjamin and his Buttons to "make it happen". It is a tough world out there at overcrowded bathrooms, you gotta be fast enough to reserve your spot and even faster at making nature's call. I still cant fathom how someone can pee when there are people watching you, especially if the ones watching have been holding theirs for long waiting impatiently. I cant even take a piss when I got someone standing next to me, I am quite sensitive when it comes to that, I get paranoid and start wondering if he is lookin at my you know what and secretly scoffs at me thinking "Thats all you got!?". Though I always wanted to counter-attack by looking at em in the eye and saying "Say ello to my leetil frend!" Scarface style!

And I cant stand it when there are men standing behind me waiting for their turn when Iam trying to take a leak, men can wait in queue patiently for booking train tickets, movie tickets, xerox stores, cash counter at malls, grocery stores, but to wait in line patiently to attend nature's call is something you cant expect them to do - its a call they would not prefer to give a miss. On many such occasions I have urged myself to "Just Do It" but Nike's slogan no matter how uplifting it is, has never come handy for me when it all comes down to just squeezing out a drop. "Just one drop, the rest shall follow like a stream" I tell myself but when you got a dozen pair of eyes looking at you with contempt it makes life even tougher. Many times I just had to zip up my pants leaving my business unfinished feigning a look of satisfaction to my fellow leakers pretending as if I really belong to the club of "People Who Can Pee with Everyone Watching" and walk away only to come back later on the sly to complete the job.

Bumbling Casanovas

He called me on a Saturday morning. I groggily opened my eyes from sleep to find his name flashing on my mobile. "What?" I barked into it, "Wanna see you bey, can I come over?" he asked.

8:45 on a Saturday morning, a day I always wake up later than nine-thirty, for a minute I contemplated lying to him but went against it, "I cant be such a prick to him, not today" I reasoned.  "Yeah ok, but is everything fine?" I asked stifling a yawn. "Will tell you when we meet, I'll be there in fifteen mins", "No take thirty" I said. "Fine, see you then" he hung up.

Nine- thirty a.m 

I opened the door hearing him call out my name. He was not alone, "I came with Vishal man" he said. Vishal came behind him giving me that sly grin of his, and I could figure out the trouble Kumar had fallen into just by looking at Vishal's grin. 

Our History

I had known Vishal and Kumar during my brief days at an Engineering college. Kumar was a guy I knew in school, but came to know him as a friend only in college, Vishal was the new bloke in the neighborhood who had moved in from Chandigarh. We were three guys who were of the same kind, with same interests, and the same kind of problems when dealing with our interests. We were luckless when it came to the matters of the heart, we either ended up being the "best friend" to whom the girls poured their heart out, or being completely ignored by them. After I had quit Engineering, the bond only grew on to be more stronger. We would catch up in the evenings near the neighborhood joggers' park, crack dick and sperm jokes, talk about movies of all kinds, make fun of each other's love life and lay life (or the lack of it). I like to think of ourselves as Sameer, Sid and Akaash of Dil Chahta Hai, even though we were not even as half as cool as they were. And as time passed on, we moved on to different things like a job, responsibilities, and higher education. Our catching up was limited to one or two smses, a courtesy ping at g-talk, and an occasional phone call that lasted 10 minutes in which the same 3 questions were asked in every three minutes. So when after all this while when Kumar decided to wake me up from my Saturday morning slumber sounding pensive, it could only mean one thing: Chick Trouble. 

Cut to: Saturday Morning, Nine-thirty a.m 

Me: So what's goin on? What's all the suspense about? 

Kumar: Problem hai yaar, Iam a bit confused about something...

Me: Did some gal reject you? 

Kumar: No bey, havent gone that far yet

Vishal: So it is a chick trouble!! (grins sardonically)  

Kumar: Ya, but its not as serious as you think it is, its just a crush but I feel like Iam crossing boundaries of decency this time. 

Vishal: Ooh, "boundaries of decency"? Are you in love with someone else's wife?

Kumar: Not exactly, you guys know Priya right? 

Me: That chick is supposed to be commited right? Don't tell me you are eyeing her you sicko!

Vishal: Ha! look who's talkin, saale you were lusting after a commited chick for three years remember? 

Me: I was obsessed with her back then, and her guy was not in town, so I took advantage of it, it was some silly long-distance relationship between her and that guy, it wouldn't have lasted anyway. But Priya's guy is in Chennai only and your chances of getting your ass kicked when caught are high.

Kumar: Hey Iam not planning to propose to her or anything, I just wanted to talk this out. I needed to get it out of my system, we shared much perverted things than these fellas. 

Vishal: Ya thats true, but why her of all the people? 

Kumar: I have no proper reason for that, maybe because she has been with me through my tough times, she is the only girl who knows me as better as you guys do. I've shared everything with her yaar, she even helped me get over Divya, she taught me to move on, and she has accepted me as a friend inspite of being the crazy bastard that Iam.

Vishal: So you are never gonna tell her about how you feel? 

Kumar: No man, I dont know how she will take this. She is very conservative when it comes to stuffs like these. Atleast now she respects me as a friend, if I do anything stupid like telling it to her she might not talk to me, ever. And she and her guy are going very steady, she is better off with him than me. 

Me: Its perfectly normal man, I've been there before, Usha was my good friend too and was committed before I met her, only difference between you and me is that you are happy for Priya now, and I was not happy for Usha back then because I thought I was the better guy. Hell I was Eighteen!!, I got sucked up into those teen romance movies and Backstreet Boys songs and I never thought about the future and being practical. 


Vishal: Would you have wooed her if her guy was in town? 

Me: I don't know that, maybe I would have, yeah its sordid but back then that's how I wanted things to be, but I don't regret doing whatever I have done. Sure things between me and her now have soured, but I did learn a lot, and I guess now Iam more mature to face problems in relationships. We all have had bad luck in finding a chick, and when we did we find one we messed it up, well atleast we now know that its all not like what they show in the movies. You gotta really work hard at maintaining a relationship, there is so much that comes into play. 


Vishal: You know its funny, we were in relationships which never would have worked out practically, we came out of it hurt, we were so pissed with things that we even hurt everyone around us, and we promised ourselves that never will we chase skirts again. But look at us now man, we haven't grown up much, we would fall in love with a frigging lamp post if it had a pair of tits on it! Look at Kumar, he had a tough time getting over Divya, you'd think he would have learnt from it.


Kumar: Hey! When did I say that I expect things to work out between me and Priya, its just a bit of adoration that I have for her. 

Vishal: Whatever man, we had our share of messy one- sided love, and we learnt that we are not cut out for all that. We had an unspoken pact that we will never fall into a mess like that again. 

Kumar: Look, you cant live your life on pacts. We never know who we may meet next and what impact they'll have on our lives. After school I would have never expected to meet Divya, and never did I imagine that I would tell her one day how much I loved her, and when I finally did win her over never did I think that I would lose her so easily. Iam happy with whatever happened, yeah it did not work out, but I did learn a few harsh things, maybe for the better. 

Vishal: What about you? (turning to me) Do you have anything goin on at work?

Me: Nope! I did ask one girl out, I had no idea what I was thinking, she not surprisingly said "No" and she probably thinks of me as some kind of prick since then because she has not spoken to me in a week. I dont know if this technically can be labeled as a "rejection", but I am finding new ways to repel women. 

Vishal: You need to come out of your "fantasy world" man. You think you live in a sitcom and everything will go according to the script but it never does. 

Me: Why do you have to act like a grinch? I think there is nothing wrong in experimenting a little bit, what if it worked out?

Vishal: Uh-huh, and what would you do if it worked out for you? Say some pretty girl was dumb enough to fall for you, what would you do next? 

Me: I really have no clue.... I'd probably go with the flow. 

Kumar: Thats it?? you'd "go with the flow"?

Me: Yeah, I'd take one day at a time and see how things shape up. I'd get to know her a little bit more as a person. Every day is a new day. 


Vishal: What if she was not the kind of girl you imagined her to be?

Me: Well if it did not work out between us I guess we would have have to part ways amicably then. Now, can we please stop the cross-examination?

Vishal: Yeah, and just so you know we are not cut out for love and serious relationships, we are just not the polished blokes that girls want. 

Me: Maybe one day I'll make you eat those words and watch you choke to death. So what's the bottomline on Priya, Kumar ?.

Kumar: I guess I would rather be the "good friend" and be happy watching her spend her life with the guy she wants to be with, and hopefully pray that Ms. Right might come along someday.

Me: Yeah, someday she will, till then lets Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish.